I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
