my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
