I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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