everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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