I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
