you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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