I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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