i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
