You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
