mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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