I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
