i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize