If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
