I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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