She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
