He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
