so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
