Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
