I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
