hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
