I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
