Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
