What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
