And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize