He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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