She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize