Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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