you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
