cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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