I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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