2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
