I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
