paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
