I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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