Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So much rum. So many feels.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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