Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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