I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
