Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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