fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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