One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
