i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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