I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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