i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My life is pants optional.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
