Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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