My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
