If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize