So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
