It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
