Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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