You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
