OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
