I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
