she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
