Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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