why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
