We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
