My liver just broke up with me...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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