Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
