I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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