oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
