remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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