i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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