grandma shit on top of the toilet
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
