come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
