I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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