mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
