there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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