Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
