I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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