Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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