the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
