You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the raccoons are back...
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