How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
