i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
