I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
