your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
