so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize