oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize