I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
