Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
