I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
