i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
