If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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