What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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