Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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