And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
