When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
