you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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