dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
