I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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