Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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