Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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