Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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