I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
