So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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