Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
