Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
