I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
