my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
