Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My life is pants optional.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
