what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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