I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
NoShamevember. You game?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
