we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
