I accidentally had phone sex last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
