So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
