i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
