I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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