it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize