as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
